Keep The Quit Club's Tough Love Relapse Policy ©

OTHER RECOMMENED READING ON THIS SUBJECT: http://www.geocities.com/quitnetlibrary/how2quit.html

The last Butt I smoked

 Members who relapse are resorting to smoking or using tobacco products again as a crutch even though they have been given the education, tools and support to over come them.  They find out soon enough that they were no crutch at all, helped nor changed anything except turning them back into practicing nicotine addicts.  Giving someone tools and them knowing how to use them and with confidence are two different things. One must have the desire, commitment and a willingness to learn them and practice them on a daily basis until they are automatically a way of life until the time comes that you are secure enough in your quit that you don't even think about them anymore and life becomes normal without smoking as it was meant to be.  That is what we want for our Members here.

We also want our Members not to act from "fear or guilt" for this in disempowering.  We want our Members empowered by their true intentions and desire to quit and stay quit and to take the reponsibility and put time aside to read the educational material on site here and interact with other Members for support.  We can not empower you not to smoke and over come your minds addiction to nicotine programing unless you post for help BEFORE YOU MAKE THE DECISION TO PICK UP A CIGARATTE AND SMOKE!

While tough love is not rejecting, it forces both you and the relapser to become aware of the reality of their behaviors and decisions,  and makes you think carefully about what you are going to say to them in your post.  

• Tough love means giving clear-cut rules, and expecting members to abide by them.  If they have done their reading and educating themselves as advised, requested and expected here on site and participated then they should know what they are.  We can advise, ask and suggest that Members read specific articles or programs to Quitting, etc. but it is ultimately up to them whether they do and how much time they dedicate to doing so or not.
• Tough love means getting the relapser to realize why they relapsed and what can be the consequences of their behavior, no matter how much you want to soften your approach to protect them.  With soft love, you are only giving them the signal that if they relapse again they are going to be rewarded for it with love and hugs again and again!  Would you tell a heroin or cocaine/crack addict that a relapse of even one hit or 20 isn't a big deal and is not important?  Would you not want to tell them of how truly serious it and its repercussions can be? However, it is a fine line between NOT LAYING A GUILT TRIP ON THE MEMBER AND EMPOWERING THEM TO REALIZED WHY THEY CHOSE TO SMOKE AGAIN!  WE ARE NOT HERE FOR GUILT TRIPS, WE ARE HERE FOR EMPOWERING OTHERS TO QUIT and STAY QUIT!
• Tough love means getting tough with yourself!   This does not mean that you stop loving or caring for the relapser.  It does mean that you stop treating the relapser like a poor, helpless child.  It means expecting the relapser to be responsible for their actions.  And it is up to you to show them Tough love in your straight forward reply posts stating clearly where their own addictive brain talk and junkie thinking got them to make the choice to light up a cigarette and proceed to poison themselves (and others) and also to remind them of the proven and known horrors of smoking.  Perhaps they didn't take the time to learn themselves, or it just hasn't hit home with them that they are indeed nicotine addicts or how truely sickening and life threatening this addiction is and to younger and younger people every day!
• IF A MEMBER RELAPSES & POSTS RIGHT AWAY:  Your posts are to be firm that they have indeed made a drastic mistake, URGE THEM TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHY THEY RELAPSED (their junkie thinking they still may not be aware of) and to get back on their Quit right away!  Relapsing is only to be discussed in this persons thread NOT in other posts on the Boards and neither are yours!  We are here to tell and show others that Quitting for Life can and is done!  We concentrate on Quitting around here not relapsing!   
• However all people smoking or not are encouraged to come to our Public Scheduled Chats and may post to others EXCEPT THOSE WHO HAVE QUIT.
• RELAPSER RETURNS & POSTS NEW QUIT:   If a relapser comes back to Quit mention of the relapse may only be made in their first Post if they so wish.  If they don't mention it we don't either.  Remember, we don't pat people on the back for relapsing!  If they have come to terms with the fact that they are soley responsible for their replase (nothing else, no one else) of course we welcome them back.  But remember it is a fine line between welcoming someone back and patting them on the back for relapsing with hugs and well meaning but misguided words rather than getting on with the business of Quitting and staying Quit for Life and without laying a guilt trip in the process.  It is an art, or the "talk and the walk" of older Quitters who have learned it by remaining quit.
• RELAPSING NOT TO BE MENTIONED IN YOUR POSTS PLEASE:  Many of us here are ex-smokers who have quit more than once before and so are those that are newly Quitting here.   They do not need to be reminded of this and neither do we.  They need to feel and know for certain that they can do this the first time as many do!   We concentrate on Quitting not relapsing here!
• REPETITIVE RELAPSERS (IN SHORT PERIOD OF TIME):  If a member relapses repeatedly and in a short period of time I have heard it said and find it true, that repetitive failures are disheartening for the soul, especially if experienced one after the other in a relatively short period of time.   In this case if a Member has relapsed a 3^rd time within 2 months then it is clear they are not ready or able to make a full commitment to Quitting and staying Quit at this time and it is best they wait until they are fully committed, educated and ready and determined.  The repetitive relapser can be doing this because they are not fully committed, educated or even have medical situations  (example: untreated depression) and some as much as they think they want it don't want it badly enough.  However, it is extremely unnerving and undermines the efforts of other Quitters, especially the new ones struggling for themselves and that are doing everything they can to hold on to their Quits, sometimes by a thread to see others relapsing repetitively and in short periods of time on the boards while they are doing everything possible to keep theirs (yes Management has received emails regarding this).  It underminds their Quits and the focus of the Group as a whole.  So we ask the repetitive relapser (3 times in a month or 2) to lregroup themselves until they are more prepared and committed.  We are here for everyone that wants to Quit..  But we will put the safety of the group and their lives and heath before that of one that is not ready and, even though unintentionally, may put other new Quitters in danger of relapsing themselves.
• When one relapses and repetitively in short order it is often best not to quit again right away, but to take the time needed for them to reflect and fully come to terms with what they are doing to themselves and possibly others they love.  Hopefully they willl come back able to make a full commitment to stay Quit & responsibility to educate themselves, and that it is also made with the full understanding of the severity of their previous decision of making the choice to smoke again.

One puff leads to a 1,000

 Remember people who relapse often never make it back to Quit again!  So remember that and make this one your last!

Keep the Quit Clubs Tough Love Relapse Policy ©

by Sunshine Ray

http://groups.msn.com/KEEPTHEQUITCLUB .

www.keepthequitclub.com .®

OTHER RECOMMENED READING ON THIS SUBJECT: http://www.geocities.com/quitnetlibrary/how2quit.html